Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
