who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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