dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
