The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
