she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize