theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
