I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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