Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
