I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
