Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
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it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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