I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
