THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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