You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
