I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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