he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
