he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
