this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
