You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
