My liver just broke up with me...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
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I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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