You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
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You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
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So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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