The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
