??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
