it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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