i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
