She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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