i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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