my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
