i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
