Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
