Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
