Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
