i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
