i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I believe in your delicious
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
