you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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