i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
