She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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