Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
