i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize