You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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