dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
