guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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