didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
