I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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