this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
