New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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