why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
