Got a toothbrush?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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