i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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