on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
