Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
