I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
