So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
