i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize