dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
