The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
