this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
