i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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