two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
