Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
