Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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