Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I don't deserve a penis
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Randomize
