Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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