Small penises have feelings too.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
